What not to watch…

I have vowed to stay away from movies for a while as everything we have watched lately has turned out to be the biggest load of you know what. The last reasonably good movie I watched was ‘Passengers’ with Anne Hathaway, but everything since then has been bad…really bad. Maybe it is just my video shop’s selection that stinks, or perhaps it is just a sign that the recession has clearly hit Hollywood as well, either way, please be advised to stay away from the following pieces of trashy celluloid moonlighting as movies:

• Rachel’s getting married – to be fair this is not that bad. It also has Anne Hathaway in it, in a roll that demonstrates she can definitely act. However, the movie tries too hard to be an art movie, the cinematography is strange and the intra-family dynamics are heavy. At the end you are left feeling slightly depressed and still confused as to what the hell that was actually all about. Perhaps that was the point?
• The Punisher 2 – Ok, so perhaps one should have seen this one coming, but please believe me when I say that The Punisher 1 was actually a really good ass-kicking, revenge style movie with a hot lead actor. Based on a comic strip (never a good idea) The Punisher 2 has lots of cheesy acting, a crappy plot and despite having one of my favourite actors from the Rome series in it, is overall very disappointing. I never even finished watching it.
• Lies and Illusions – This piece of utter trash boasts a cast of Christian Slater and academy award winner Cuba Gooding Jr. Personally I think Christian Slater hasn’t made a worthwhile movie since True Romance and as for Cuba Gooding Jr., I am pretty sure aliens stole his body for this movie. This movie consists of very hammy acting, the most ridiculous fight scenes I have ever seen, background music that sounds as if it belongs in a porno and a story that was dismally weak and pathetic. Never finished watching it AGAIN.
• Blindness – a story where everyone in the world catches a contagious disease and goes suddenly blind starring Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo. This is watchable, although barely. Apart from having annoying cinematography and a rather pointless plot, there is only one word that adequately describes how I found this movie – DISTURBING. It upset me terribly, so I warn you stay away at all costs or be doomed to nightmares.

My video contract has just run out and I won’t be renewing it for a while!