Sometimes you just have to do it….

Let your baby cry, that is.

Disclaimer: I do not believe in controlled crying (specifically in babies under 6 months) and I very seldom leave my children to cry for even a minute but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do…

Every new mom knows how difficult a task it can be, to get to have a shower when you have a young baby to care for. A simple 5-10 minute daily task becomes the equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest (without the oxygen!). It is a challenge. Most mothers discover that midday arrives and they are still wondering around in their pajamas. Eventually you get the hang of things and of course your child grows up and becomes more independent, helping you discover moments that you can steal for yourself .  Toddlers are fairly easily entertained in their rooms with toys and I often will use the morning ‘Barney time’ (supervised by her dad) to take advantage  of having a shower. On many mornings, I admittedly look out through shampoo-filled eyes to discover a toddler starring in at me as if I am a goldfish, while enthusiastically drawing shapes in the condensation on the shower door. But still this is no hassle. With baby no2, the shower challenge is back though. This time the mother is more experienced at juggling and so she finds herself showering at odd hours or making use of props such as bouncy chairs (provided the toddler is not around to help bounce the chair to oblivion). I thought I had found the solutions to the shower challenge but then illness struck and with it, utter chaos. You see, my family have been ill this week. Craig has had bad flu and Amy got it as well. On Sunday Nina was blowing bubbles with her nose, so I feared that she too had the bug, but she seems ok now thank goodness. Anyway yesterday in between doing housework and caring for all the sick and needy, I reached mid-day and still had not showered. It was a chaotic day to say the least, which was why I decided that this morning I was to put my needs, however basic they may be, first! I was determined to shower first thing no matter what. Unfortunately my children had other ideas. Amy woke really early and then woke Nina up. Amy was easily preoccupied with Barney but Nina would not lie in her cot and proceeded to scream. I held her while trying to brush my teeth and then put her in the bouncy chair, but she continued to scream. The only thing that changed was the volume. Nina is a calm, content baby but when she does something (like eat or sing or cry), she does it with gusto. When she is in the mood to exercise her vocal chords, she is seriously loud. She talks and sings and she screams! Amy used to be content in the bouncy chair as long as she could see me. Nina is not fooled with this consolation prize and cries and cries until I pick her up. She is not content to just see me and needs reassurance in the form of cuddles, kisses and rocking in order to be happy. (I only hope she gets over this insecurity by the time she starts dating.) Anyway, by this stage even picking her up did not console her, so I decided that I had to simply let her cry. I had my shower, albeit rather quickly and my child cried throughout it.  Bad, but clean mommy.

Those of you who are mothers will also know the meaning of drinking cold tea or be familiar with the scenario of one-armedness (that is doing everything using only one arm as the other arm is otherwise occupied with holding the baby).  The two above scenarios are the norm for me. A few weeks ago I had a Saturday morning that went like this:
Wake early, feed baby, get toddler milk, do washing, play games with baby, read to baby and toddler, change baby’s nappy, dress baby, change toddler’s nappy , more cleaning and tidying up, change baby’s very stinky nappy and entire outfit AGAIN, make breakfast for everyone etc (Did you get a chance to take a breath in between reading??) (Oh, and you may have noticed I have not showered yet here either!)

I had just finished with all the morning’s tasks and was getting ready to eat my breakfast(a simple fried egg on a slice of toast) when Nina decided to cry. I had to take her out her Bumbo seat and was going to hold her and do my one-armed eating of breakfast technique but this failed to console her. I rocked her a bit, I sang, but still she cried. I then considered abandoning my breakfast to go and sit with her upstairs in her room, and was prepared to eat it later, cold, until I had an epiphany – It was like a flashing sign that simply read, “DON’T”. In that moment I decided that I deserved for just once to actually
1) sit down and
2) eat a warm breakfast in
3) peace.
Also, if she insisted on crying irrespective of whether or not I was holding her, well then she might as well cry in her cot.  So I walked upstairs and gently put her in her cot, put the mobile on, closed the door and went back downstairs to take 5 minutes (I mean how long can one egg and a slice of toast take to eat?) to eat my warm breakfast.
It was great.
I then went back upstairs to console my crying baby. Those 5 minutes had made no difference to her, but all the difference to me!

Tagged as: baby, cuddle, mommy, sing, toddler